Life Is Colonoscopy Prep

It was time – actually it was about a year overdue but there are always reasons to avoid a colonoscopy – this does not require creative procrastination.  I can always find a way to move that down on the list.  Actually, it can easily go on the shit list.  With the family history of colon stuff though, I knew I better go – and boy did I go…and go.  Like most things – the dreading it and the preparing for it is always more of an event than the actual event.

So here I am – on my way to my first colonoscopy.  My insides are cleansed from everything but the mild anxiety and all that accompanies such procedures.  Humor is helpful as I discuss with my wife that I am surprised we get to enter through Door #1 at the hospital.  I offer up, “You would think the entrance for these things would be in the back of the building.”  She did her best to muster a chuckle.

You go to the check-in and wait.  In lieu of contemplating what awaits you, I compare myself to others in the waiting area.  I look better than that guy.  Wonder what it is going on there?  Then – you note the “cover your cough” poster as someone sitting right in its view is coughing uncontrollably and ignoring every recommendation on said poster.   I was considering asking for one of those masks that that one cashier at Kroger always wears.  She really must have SARS – all the time.

Fortunately, I hear my name and I step into the check-in alcove.  We go through some standard questions, verify some insurance information, and I get the wristband.  Then the last question though – “Should one of the medical professionals come in contact with your bodily fluids – do we have your permission to test it?”  Do they ask this of everyone or was I being singled out? What do you say to that?  “Sure” is what I opted to say.  I think I even smiled and shrugged a little.

Next, off to wait for – the inevitable.  Stripped of my dignity in the lovely hospital gown – I wait.  A nurse here with some questions, a nurse there with a couple more and then finally to the anesthesiologist and the lucky doctor and her assistant.  Next thing I know, I am awake and all cleared to go home.  That was nothing.

All that prep along with the anxiety of where I was headed was rough.  But what was the big deal?  I ran it through my recruiter filter and concluded I can handle this.  I can handle this because I am a recruiter.  I have had a colonoscopy every business day for the last 20 some years.

I get all anxious before interviews, waiting for invoices to be paid, waiting for you to tweak your resume, waiting to debrief candidates, waiting for things to happen.  In other words – the prep.  Yes, waiting is the hardest part but the reality of the whole thing is easy when you accept that people are going to be on your nerves, not do what they say they are going to do and occasionally be up your ass – and around the corner.  But I can handle it – I am a recruiter.

I do still wonder why the Doc chose this field though.  Is she lacking people skills?  Does she always forget names and faces anyway?  Is she especially good dealing with a-holes?  Was she at the top of her class and chose this willingly or did she not have a choice because she found herself near the bottom?  Maybe I will ask her at my next one in a few years.