Where is the Elf On The Shelf?

We were bad parents.  I am coming clean today.  We harmed our children.  We lied to our children.  I am truly sorry.  Truly.  BUT – Yes! – we allowed the magic of Santa at our house all those years.

We had reindeer food.  We stayed up late and stuffed stockings, placed a ridiculous number of decals on big plastic things, assembled dollhouses and a very heavy pink pottery barn kitchen.  We had C batteries on hand.  The Help Desk was working 24/7 on Christmas as we set up an iPod Touch or two.  Geek Squad had nothing on us getting those laptops up and running.  We washed that Cinderella wedding dress on Christmas morning after coffee was spilt seconds after Lucy donned that thing.  Prince Charming is not doing laundry on December 25th but I did.

A few years ago we introduced the Elf On The Shelf – the Christmastime tool for self-inflicted parental pain.  It became a tradition.  It was a pain in the arse.  Traditions can be a pain the arse.  Maybe that is why the world seems to rewrite history or wants to erase it all together.

The Elf soon developed a nightly encore problem.  We challenged “Jolly” (our Elf’s name) to do better and riskier things as he returned from the North Pole.  Jolly was a contortionist.  The cold was never a problem, of course.  Heights were never an issue.  He mixed well with the shepherds and wise men.  The artificial pine needles of the tree were elf acupuncture but he never complained.  He feared no substance – even surviving a near drowning in an Orbes Foot Spa back in 2013.  Jolly was freaking limitless.

Jolly the Elf, hangin’ on the mantle in 2017

So when Alaina and Lucy became of that age – you know – when the magic tends to fade – we knew Jolly was facing forced retirement.  Surely Jolly had had enough of the shelf life, right?  Maybe he could bless (allegedly) another family where the magic was in – full magic?

So when December 3rd rolled around this year, Lucy asks where Jolly is.  We look at each other with that expression.  It was the 3rd and Jolly was late.  She then communicated, in the Lucy way, that even though some things had become apparent – that Jolly better be around.  “Where is the Elf On The Shelf?” was followed by “Why you want to ruin the magic for me?”

It dawned on me how throughout the year when the kids go negative, we may sarcastically and rhetorically ask, “Why you want to ruin Christmas?” This funny question was now being asked of us, in so many words, with a straight face and zero sarcasm.   The Christmas Spirit had taken a hit at the Gregory house.

Fortunately, we knew if Scrooge had made good with the world, we could too – we had hope.  I guess we had hope…and some Holiday Season guilt.  Clearly, we are reaping what we sowed.  We deserve this after all we did.  The lies always come back to haunt you.

Yes, Jolly was late and is working a reduced schedule – but he is back from that 2-day retirement.